I need to finish this series.
Speaking of personal dreams and goals, I have the stand point that telling people that you have "feel good" dreams and goals, just as "Finding myself" and "Being the best me I can be" are actually detrimental to yourself. Again, the point of this whole idea is to just share some points that hopefully cause you to abandon your "b'aww" dreams and narrow and specify your goals so that you may see them through to the end, not to necessarily cause you to abandon all hope for the world.
When I started college in the beginning of 2007, I had no dreams or aspirations. I had thought about studying theatre and attempting to be an actor, but I really hate the environment leading up to opening night. (Side note: right after opening night, I love being in a play. I just hate everything before that.) I started my college career by going to a technical college to study graphic design, because I kinda liked playing with Photoshop. I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do with my life, as I didn't have very many things that I loved to do.
After one year there, I realized that slacking was no way to start something so important, so I decided to go to Ashland University to study Radio and Television. I came to the school with the personal goal to try and break out of the shell I had formed throughout high school. Sure enough, I met my fiancée the first day on campus and got to know so many cool people. Now, I'm looking back and I see where the person I know as myself today was created.
The past four years is a testament to why I think going into college thinking "I'm going to find out who I am" is very detrimental to your character. I came to Ashland thinking I knew myself, but the 18 year old me was very different to who I am today; laid back, simple, and focused.
The time I spent alone did play a large factor in building my character. I whole-heartedly believe that everyone needs to really spend time with themselves to find who they are. I spent a lot of time alone, turning over in my head all the events that occurred around me and all the people around me. I think approaching this type of concept without thinking "I need to find me" is so very important; you'll become hyper-focused on "trying to find yourself" that you won't actually open yourself up to finding the things that you like and the people that you enjoy being with. Finding yourself really happens when you aren't thinking about it and always happens when you are just living life.
Friends are the next pivotal point in this equation. It is undeniable that your peers can shape you for better or for worse. It's self-explanatory, in all honesty. I spent a lot of time with philosophy majors for most of my time here, so much so that I actually picked up many of their traits (although not to the full extent, obviously). Approaching friends with the mindset "I'm trying to find yourself" can really make you think too much about the people you choose to be friends with. Making friends should be natural, not selective, and I believe that if you are trying to find yourself consciously, you will judge the people you meet, choosing (from first impressions, mind you) friends based on their morals and choices, rather than just who they are personality wise.
A quick note; focusing too much on who your peers are can also have a very bad effect on your identity. People who invest all their time into their friends and the things they like to do can find themselves lost when they are without them. There is also the possibility that you will lose your identity as a result of attempting to please your friends, adopting another such identity to conform to what they deem "normal" and "satisfactory". Of course, this is a whole other world, one which a friend of mine (Chris Williams) wrote his thesis on just last semester. It was quite superb, and I am a bad friend for not attending his thesis defense. (He now writes independently for an online journal based out of CA, in case you were curious.)
There's always the possible danger of settling on the first thing you consider "yourself" to be.
As mentioned before, it's entirely possible to end up not being able to actually become someone you should have been, because you become too focused on who you think you are. In this respect, there is also the problem that hyper-focusing on such an issue will cause you to settle on the first thing you consider "yourself" to be. This would be a very bad thing to do, as the first thing you may think you are is usually not who you actually are. If I had done this, I would have ended up marrying a bitch.
Hyper-focusing can also change your personality at will, multiple times, which is ultimately the worst possible thing that can happen. Finding yourself is not a forced concept; it's a very natural thing. So, literally, "finding who you are" will happen naturally without thinking about it. It's impossible to find yourself under the couch, or behind the stove, because "yourself" is an idea, not a tangible object. So how exactly would it be possible to find yourself if you are specifically looking for it? Besides that, there are so many environmental factors out of your control: I haven't even discussed how the economy, media, and family shape this concept.
In summation, I am certainly not telling you that you are wrong if one of your aspirations is to really understand yourself and know who you are. I believe that is a very noble concept, and I think it should be something everyone subconsciously desires. But, again, hunting for something that is subconscious is slightly redundant.
There's more to be said here, as I believe this is a tender topic. So, please, finding yourself interested means you should do research, instead of listening to some loser like me blog about it.
"Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."
--George Bernard Shaw
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